“Daughters of God” By Charlotte Langlois May 5, 2011
Have you ever walked up to a total stranger on the street and asked them to do a favour for you? I’ll bet not but I have seen people do it. It is usually either out of total desperation or from an attitude of entitlement but for most of us that is not how we live. One is a situation that brings forth a desperate measure of pleading or begging for help from a total stranger. The other is an act resulting from an attitude problem that needs to be adjusted. You really can’t ask a favour from those you don’t have a relationship with but you can ask for help from anyone if you need it.
I believe I taught my children that it is better to give than to receive. I hope that I also taught them that if it ever came to a time of need that they wouldn’t hesitate to ask for help. After my husband and I divorced, I was left with two kids to take care of on my own. It isn't my intention to paint a bad picture of this man – he paid child support, saw them on weekends and they moved in to live with him for awhile. However, during the time I was raising them I got myself into a tough financial crisis that brought me to a place in my life where I had to ask for help from others. Asking for help from my church family didn’t seem as hard as asking for help from my own family, especially my earthly father. I had given help to a lot of other people, some I knew and some were strangers, and when I needed help I didn’t feel ashamed to ask. I never asked with a sense of entitlement. The people I asked always had the power to say “no”. I never tried to manipulate them or to guilt them into it. I simply asked.
That was a very humbling time for me. Things got pretty bad during that time in my life and I was forced to call my dad to ask for help in paying a couple of mortgage payments I had fallen behind on. It was a huge amount and my dad was not rich by any means. I’ll always remember the long silence on the phone when I had finally gotten the courage to ask my dad for the money. I thought he didn’t want to, that he didn’t love me or that I wasn’t worth the cost. Was he ashamed of me for asking? Was he disappointed in my predicament I had gotten myself into? Did he love the money more than he loved me? I didn’t know why. Now, so many years later, I am wise enough to realize that he probably wasn’t thinking any of those thoughts at all. He was probably asking himself is this the best thing for my daughter. He may have, in that split second, been thinking about where his money was invested and what it would take to come up with the money -- or maybe not. Maybe he truly was thinking that if he gave it to me it would only teach me to continue being irresponsible. Who knows really? I have forgiven him for that moment of hesitation, after all he gave me the money the first time but I will never forget that long silence and the hesitation in his voice, which we never discussed. The silence for me that day was the most confusing and hurtful. I know he had his reasons and I always knew he loved me more than he could ever express. To this day I don’t know the reason and now he’s gone so I can’t talk to him about it. I ended up getting behind again on the house payment but swore I would not ask for help again and so eventually I lost the house. It was at a time in my life that I pulled away from God and was being rebellious and stupid.
Too many people have too much pride to ask for help when they need it. There is a song made popular by The Temptations in 1966, “Ain't Too Proud to Beg”, its not what the song is about but the title that comes to mind right now. We don't have to "beg" from our heavenly Father as he is always rich in mercy and cares for us. He is completely, totally self-sufficient and with that has the ability to meet our needs.
Psalm 50: 9-12 (NIV) "I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird in the mountains, and the insects of the field are mine. If I were hungry I would not tell you, for the world is mine, and all that is in it."
In other words, God is saying, I don't need your possessions that I give you because it all belongs to me already, from that which I gave to you, to the birds, insects and wild beasts. I don't need anything that I ask you to give as a sacrifice because it is mine in the first place.
He owns all the cattle on a thousand hills so when I need something from my spiritual daddy I often remind him of our relationship, I’m his daughter so I have the right (through His Son Jesus Christ who made me an heir) that I can just ask my spiritual daddy to provide whatever I need. He is Jehovah Jireh, our provider. Because of my relationship with my heavenly father, I ask him for favour, “Daddy, please help me even if you have to sell some of those cattle on some of your thousand hills.” I know He will provide whatever I need. In our relationship, we talk – I talk to him and he answers me, sometimes God starts the conversation. He instructs, He comforts, He listens, He disciplines me. He has promised never to leave me or forsake me. I believe I can trust him to meet my needs and if my desires are what He has put into my heart anyway then He has said he will give me the desires of my heart if my delight is all in Him.
Psalms 37:11 Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
I acknowledge praise and thanksgiving to him for his immeasurable, everlasting love. We can never become too dependent upon God. He wants us to depend upon him. In fact, he commands that we trust him and we bring our petitions before him. The key is casting our cares onto him, like a fisherman casts his line, and leaving them with him to take up the burden and meet our needs in the way that He sees best for us. This has been a truth that I am continually learning throughout my life. Given our human tendency to worry, especially as women, it can be an ongoing struggle to get this truth deeply planted and to take root in our hearts.
Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
I Peter 5:7 Casting all your care (worries and anxieties) upon him; for he careth for you.
Matthew 6:27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
Matthew 6:33 But let your first care be for his kingdom and his righteousness; and all these other things will be given to you in addition.
Philippians 4:4-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
God knows the motives of the heart. Are we acting like a spoiled brats, are we asking for frivolous things, are we being selfish? I don’t want to be like that and because of my covenant relationship through Jesus Christ, I am trusting that my heavenly Father will correct me if I need an attitude adjustment.
Galatians 4:6-7 Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." (Abba is Aramaic for Father) So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.
Romans 8:15-17 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
Some people, especially women, cannot trust their earthly fathers. I won’t get into the reasons here but those reasons are usually valid. I was very blessed to have an outstanding relationship with my earthly daddy. I could ask him for anything and if he had the power to help me he would. I do remember one time when it was very, very hard for me to ask him for a huge financial favour. My dad was always tight with money when I was growing up because he grew up during the depression era; however, he showered his financial blessings upon me but not to the point of spoiling me. I was highly favoured as his daughter where my brothers did not have the same treatment. One, because when they were young my folks didn’t have the money and two, because I was still a young girl living at home when my brothers were grown and raising their own families. My dad and I loved each other very much and had a close bond. My mother was more of the disciplinarian but my dad always stepped in with the final say if I was giving her a hard time. I certainly didn’t want to disappoint my dad or make him angry because I loved and respected him but also because I he had a short fuse and didn’t tolerate stupidity. He worked as a store manager most of his life and so he dealt with customers that use to irritate him. He had a lot of great qualities and I always respected him. That’s what children need to have – respect for their fathers.
I’m reminded of another song. This one by John Mayer is called “Daughters”.
I know a girl,
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me
CHORUS
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left, cleaning up the mess he made
CHORUS
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong and boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth from
A woman's good, good heart
On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
CHORUS
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
As the song says, Father’s be good to your daughters. This is because it will affect how they see the men in their life, especially in selecting a husband. My heart aches for girls who long for a relationship with their fathers but can’t get his time. Girls learn how to be a wife and a mother from their mother’s but they learn a deeper sense of love from their fathers. It sets the tone for them to understand the relationship with their heavenly Father. We learn to adore our fathers, rely on our fathers, respect our fathers, trust our fathers and if any of that is missing or broken, then we hurt deep inside in a way that affects us more than emotional and physical, it can affect us spiritually.
We also need to respect our mothers too. My mother and I had a different kind of relationship. It wasn’t until I was much older that I came to value it. We developed a stronger bond in my adult years. She was a person who did everything and anything on her own strength and determination so she didn’t ask often for help. As a child I was oblivious to how hard her life had been and how hard she worked to make a home for our family. I just wanted to have fun and play more than I ever wanted to help my mother with the chores. My mom and I never seemed to have time to spend together just playing like I did with my dad. I believe I may have resented her for that. I didn’t understand her responsibilities at the time and how much she really could have used my help – that is a sad regret now. I also didn’t know that she was venting her frustrations to her own mother about me, which gave my grandmother a negative perspective on me so much so that she wrote an awful poem about me (she often wrote poetry). It broke my heart when I read it but by this time I was married and raising my own family. Looking back I now understand why my grandmother had a view of me as lazy and hurtful to my mother. I know there were times that I said awful things to my mother that I also regret. Mom and I cleared that up later in life when I was a mother myself. As I said we had a fantastic relationship in my adult years. I would call her for advice and sometimes she would offer help but mostly she just listened and reassured me that it would all work out. I had no idea how unhappy she was many times in her relationship with my father. My mother and I became the best of friends and when I told her I was moving to Canada to be with the man I finally found as my soul mate, her heart was broken open. She was happy for me but sad to lose me once and for all because I had grown up and would be leaving her finally. I had no idea that within a little over a year she would be dead. You can imagine the pain, guilt and regret that caused. I wish I had more time and would give anything to have her back for one more day. I have peace because I believe that when I get to heaven one of the things I will get to do is walk the streets of gold with my mother, play in the river of life and just “be” with her to laugh and enjoy each other’s company. Now that we are separated by the spiritual and natural realm, I miss her and think of her nearly every day.
So if you have the opportunity, seek out those you love while they are still with you and tell them how much they mean to you. If you see that something in the foundation of your relationship has pieces missing then pray to God for restoration in your soul. Pray and act on mending any relationships you have right now – relationship with your earthy father or mother, relationship between you and your husband, relationship between you and your children or step-children because these are extremely important in your life. These relationships affect your spiritual health and relationship with your heavenly Father. God wants total restoration and healing for your soul. He is the only one who can truly mend a broken heart but first he has to reveal to you the heartbreak in your soul’s foundation and where the rift or tare began. Ask him to show you. Ask him to heal you. Ask him to help you be a whole and restored daughter or son of the Most High God. He is your heavenly Father and He loves you just that much.
