Daughters of God (mother's day remembrance 2011)

“Daughters of God”  By Charlotte Langlois    May 5, 2011

Have you ever walked up to a total stranger on the street and asked them to do a favour for you?  I’ll bet not but I have seen people do it.  It is usually either out of total desperation or from an attitude of entitlement but for most of us that is not how we live.  One is a situation that brings forth a desperate measure of pleading or begging for help from a total stranger.   The other is an act resulting from an attitude problem that needs to be adjusted.  You really can’t ask a favour from those you don’t have a relationship with but you can ask for help from anyone if you need it.

I believe I taught my children that it is better to give than to receive.  I hope that I also taught them that if it ever came to a time of need that they wouldn’t hesitate to ask for help.  After my husband and I divorced, I was left with two kids to take care of on my own.  It isn't my intention to paint a bad picture of this man – he paid child support, saw them on weekends and they moved in to live with him for awhile.  However, during the time I was raising them I got myself into a tough financial crisis that brought me to a place in my life where I had to ask for help from others.  Asking for help from my church family didn’t seem as hard as asking for help from my own family, especially my earthly father.  I had given help to a lot of other people, some I knew and some were strangers, and when I needed help I didn’t feel ashamed to ask.  I never asked with a sense of entitlement.  The people I asked always had the power to say “no”.  I never tried to manipulate them or to guilt them into it.  I simply asked.  

That was a very humbling time for me.  Things got pretty bad during that time in my life and I was forced to call my dad to ask for help in paying a couple of mortgage payments I had fallen behind on.  It was a huge amount and my dad was not rich by any means.  I’ll always remember the long silence on the phone when I had finally gotten the courage to ask my dad for the money.  I thought he didn’t want to, that he didn’t love me or that I wasn’t worth the cost.  Was he ashamed of me for asking?  Was he disappointed in my predicament I had gotten myself into?  Did he love the money more than he loved me?  I didn’t know why.  Now, so many years later, I am wise enough to realize that he probably wasn’t thinking any of those thoughts at all.  He was probably asking himself is this the best thing for my daughter.  He may have, in that split second, been thinking about where his money was invested and what it would take to come up with the money -- or maybe not.  Maybe he truly was thinking that if he gave it to me it would only teach me to continue being irresponsible.  Who knows really?  I have forgiven him for that moment of hesitation, after all he gave me the money the first time but I will never forget that long silence and the hesitation in his voice, which we never discussed.  The silence for me that day was the most confusing and hurtful.  I know he had his reasons and I always knew he loved me more than he could ever express.  To this day I don’t know the reason and now he’s gone so I can’t talk to him about it.  I ended up getting behind again on the house payment but swore I would not ask for help again and so eventually I lost the house.  It was at a time in my life that I pulled away from God and was being rebellious and stupid.

Too many people have too much pride to ask for help when they need it.  There is a song made popular by The Temptations in 1966, “Ain't Too Proud to Beg”, its not what the song is about but the title that comes to mind right now.  We don't have to "beg" from our heavenly Father as he is always rich in mercy and cares for us. He is completely, totally self-sufficient and with that has the ability to meet our needs.   

Psalm 50: 9-12 (NIV)  "I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills.  I know every bird in the mountains, and the insects of the field are mine. If I were hungry I would not tell you, for the world is mine, and all that is in it."  

In other words, God is saying, I don't need your possessions that I give you because it all belongs to me already, from that which I gave to you, to the birds, insects and wild beasts.  I don't need anything that I ask you to give as a sacrifice because it is mine in the first place.

He owns all the cattle on a thousand hills so when I need something from my spiritual daddy I often remind him of our relationship, I’m his daughter so I have the right (through His Son Jesus Christ who made me an heir) that I can just ask my spiritual daddy to provide whatever I need. He is Jehovah Jireh, our provider.  Because of my relationship with my heavenly father, I ask him for favour, “Daddy, please help me even if you have to sell some of those cattle on some of your thousand hills.”  I know He will provide whatever I need.  In our relationship, we talk – I talk to him and he answers me, sometimes God starts the conversation.  He instructs, He comforts, He listens, He disciplines me.  He has promised never to leave me or forsake me.  I believe I can trust him to meet my needs and if my desires are what He has put into my heart anyway then He has said he will give me the desires of my heart if my delight is all in Him. 

Psalms 37:11 Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. 

I acknowledge praise and thanksgiving to him for his immeasurable, everlasting love.  We can never become too dependent upon God.  He wants us to depend upon him.  In fact, he commands that we trust him and we bring our petitions before him.  The key is casting our cares onto him, like a fisherman casts his line, and leaving them with him to take up the burden and meet our needs in the way that He sees best for us.  This has been a truth that I am continually learning throughout my life.  Given our human tendency to worry, especially as women, it can be an ongoing struggle to get this truth deeply planted and to take root in our hearts. 

Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.

I Peter 5:7 Casting all your care (worries and anxieties) upon him; for he careth for you.

Matthew 6:27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

Matthew 6:33 But let your first care be for his kingdom and his righteousness; and all these other things will be given to you in addition.

Philippians 4:4-7  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

God knows the motives of the heart.  Are we acting like a spoiled brats, are we asking for frivolous things, are we being selfish?  I don’t want to be like that and because of my covenant relationship through Jesus Christ, I am trusting that my heavenly Father will correct me if I need an attitude adjustment.

  

Galatians 4:6-7 Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father."  (Abba is Aramaic for Father)  So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.   

Romans 8:15-17 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Some people, especially women, cannot trust their earthly fathers. I won’t get into the reasons here but those reasons are usually valid.  I was very blessed to have an outstanding relationship with my earthly daddy.  I could ask him for anything and if he had the power to help me he would.  I do remember one time when it was very, very hard for me to ask him for a huge financial favour.  My dad was always tight with money when I was growing up because he grew up during the depression era; however, he showered his financial blessings upon me but not to the point of spoiling me.  I was highly favoured as his daughter where my brothers did not have the same treatment.  One, because when they were young my folks didn’t have the money and two, because I was still a young girl living at home when my brothers were grown and raising their own families.  My dad and I loved each other very much and had a close bond.  My mother was more of the disciplinarian but my dad always stepped in with the final say if I was giving her a hard time.  I certainly didn’t want to disappoint my dad or make him angry because I loved and respected him but also because I he had a short fuse and didn’t tolerate stupidity.  He worked as a store manager most of his life and so he dealt with customers that use to irritate him.  He had a lot of great qualities and I always respected him.  That’s what children need to have – respect for their fathers. 

I’m reminded of another song.  This one by John Mayer is called “Daughters”. 

I know a girl,

She puts the color inside of my world

But she's just like a maze

Where all of the walls all continually change

And I've done all I can

To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands

Now I'm starting to see

Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

CHORUS

Fathers, be good to your daughters

Daughters will love like you do

Girls become lovers who turn into mothers

So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?

It's the same she's been standing in

Since the day she saw him walking away

Now she's left, cleaning up the mess he made

CHORUS

Fathers, be good to your daughters

Daughters will love like you do

Girls become lovers who turn into mothers

So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break

You'll find out how much they can take

Boys will be strong and boys soldier on

But boys would be gone without warmth from

A woman's good, good heart

On behalf of every man

Looking out for every girl

You are the god and the weight of her world

CHORUS

Fathers, be good to your daughters

Daughters will love like you do

Girls become lovers who turn into mothers

So mothers, be good to your daughters too

So mothers, be good to your daughters too

So mothers, be good to your daughters too

As the song says, Father’s be good to your daughters.  This is because it will affect how they see the men in their life, especially in selecting a husband. My heart aches for girls who long for a relationship with their fathers but can’t get his time.  Girls learn how to be a wife and a mother from their mother’s but they learn a deeper sense of love from their fathers.  It sets the tone for them to understand the relationship with their heavenly Father.  We learn to adore our fathers, rely on our fathers, respect our fathers, trust our fathers and if any of that is missing or broken, then we hurt deep inside in a way that affects us more than emotional and physical, it can affect us spiritually.

We also need to respect our mothers too.  My mother and I had a different kind of relationship.  It wasn’t until I was much older that I came to value it.  We developed a stronger bond in my adult years.  She was a person who did everything and anything on her own strength and determination so she didn’t ask often for help.  As a child I was oblivious to how hard her life had been and how hard she worked to make a home for our family.  I just wanted to have fun and play more than I ever wanted to help my mother with the chores.  My mom and I never seemed to have time to spend together just playing like I did with my dad.  I believe I may have resented her for that.  I didn’t understand her responsibilities at the time and how much she really could have used my help – that is a sad regret now.  I also didn’t know that she was venting her frustrations to her own mother about me, which gave my grandmother a negative perspective on me so much so that she wrote an awful poem about me (she often wrote poetry).  It broke my heart when I read it but by this time I was married and raising my own family.  Looking back I now understand why my grandmother had a view of me as lazy and hurtful to my mother.  I know there were times that I said awful things to my mother that I also regret.  Mom and I cleared that up later in life when I was a mother myself.  As I said we had a fantastic relationship in my adult years.  I would call her for advice and sometimes she would offer help but mostly she just listened and reassured me that it would all work out.  I had no idea how unhappy she was many times in her relationship with my father.  My mother and I became the best of friends and when I told her I was moving to Canada to be with the man I finally found as my soul mate, her heart was broken open.  She was happy for me but sad to lose me once and for all because I had grown up and would be leaving her finally.  I had no idea that within a little over a year she would be dead.  You can imagine the pain, guilt and regret that caused.  I wish I had more time and would give anything to have her back for one more day.  I have peace because I believe that when I get to heaven one of the things I will get to do is walk the streets of gold with my mother, play in the river of life and just “be” with her to laugh and enjoy each other’s company.  Now that we are separated by the spiritual and natural realm, I miss her and think of her nearly every day. 

So if you have the opportunity, seek out those you love while they are still with you and tell them how much they mean to you.  If you see that something in the foundation of your relationship has pieces missing then pray to God for restoration in your soul.  Pray and act on mending any relationships you have right now – relationship with your earthy father or mother, relationship between you and your husband, relationship between you and your children or step-children because these are extremely important in your life.  These relationships affect your spiritual health and relationship with your heavenly Father.  God wants total restoration and healing for your soul.  He is the only one who can truly mend a broken heart but first he has to reveal to you the heartbreak in your soul’s foundation and where the rift or tare began.  Ask him to show you.  Ask him to heal you.  Ask him to help you be a whole and restored daughter or son of the Most High God.  He is your heavenly Father and He loves you just that much.

Funny how time flies

June 18, 2010

With all the changes in our lives this year we’ve hardly noticed that half of the year is over. With all we’ve had to do to reach our goals this year I know by December 2010 we’ll wonder where in the world this year went. I just have to remember to stay focused on the reason we’re doing all this.

Sage keeps growing faster and fast as little boys do. It makes me very anxious to know that every second that ticks by I am missing out on the opportunity to experience time with my grandson. Each day I am more aware of the time lost with him while he is growing and the more I feel the race to reach him, to spend as much time with him as I can. Some days I feel like I am climbing up a descending escalator.

The Metronome of Life

This post is about my insight I received into solving the mystery of life’s issues and understanding the balance of life.  The thought came to me that contrasting opposites, like black and white, are uniquely different from each other.  You need one to appreciate the other.  






The result is the pendulum keeps on moving back and forth -- cause and affect.  As I understand it, a pendulum uses gravity to transfer potential energy to kinetic energy and back again.  When the pendulum reaches the bottom of its swing, it presses a small lever that causes it to click. The pendulum swings and keeps balance to life...everything happens for a reason. 

Gravity vs Zero-Gravity

Giving vs Receiving

Loss vs Gain

Life vs Death

Balance vs Imbalance thrown out of equilibrium

Confronting Clutter

Anyone reading this post who really knows me well certainly knows the struggle I've had all my life with clutter.  It has controlled me and my family so much that I could share many experiences in my life that all connect back to the foundation of hoarding.  The reason for the hoarding is the real issue but I'm not afraid anymore to confront it.


Those of us suffering with the mental anguish of hoarding, hate that we are controlled by our stuff.   When we find ourselves in a situation that backs us into a corner for a face to face confrontation with the reality that "I am a hoarder" the next step is even harder than the acknowledgment of the disorder.


The next step is to ask the question, "what are you going to do about it?" and even harder, "when are going to do something about it?".   For me the when is NOW.  In fact, I'm finding that a lot of issues I've buried deep inside are coming to the surface and they are all running to a central rendevous of NOW.  Why now?  The reason is I found myself in a situation beyond my control, which has brought me to a decision making time in my life.  That decision is to let go of almost everything around me and move to another province.


The last big change like this was when the pivotal moment when I decided to sell everything and move to Canada exactly 12 years ago next month.  That was a huge step for me and my life dramatically changed forever.


Prior to that was after the devastation of a divorce.  I sold everything except what I could pack into my camper van and a couple of boxes that I could store at my parent's house and hit the road.  I traveled for several months working in sales and living on the road.  Letting go of the furniture and collectibles that I had accumulated over the first 12 years of my young adult life was almost as hard as the divorce but was extremely freeing. It was summer of '91 and time for a new change.


Following the first time to face the first loss of a closer family member (my brother, Russell), I came home to live shortly with my parents during our grieving and until I could figure out what I was going to do next.  By the spring of '92 my life changed and I settled for a new marriage -- not my best decision.  I began the habit of hoarding but this time with new stuff in my new relationship.


After 4 years and another divorce, I dug into my own little world and pulled the blanket of stuff snug around myself and retreated to the dark shaddows of my basement.  Processing the pain took some time and during that time my brother, my grandmother and my uncle died.  Divorce and death -- it doesn't get more final than that.


June 1997, I was coming out into the light of a new day and met the man that would be the love of my life, which would start the beginning of another purge.  Within a year, July 1998, I sent all my things away to my daughter's house and packed only those extremely important things I couldn't part with (which fit onto one skid) and shipped them to Canada.  I moved myself to Calgary, Alberta and began my new life with Brian.  It was the best decision I ever made but also the hardest.  Shortly after that I had to face the death of my parents.


October 2008, my husband lost his job and decided to make a career change.  This moment became a catalyst that began another cycle of change for the better.  Each time I experience a change like this, God has helped me to learn and grow from it, which changes me from glory to glory.


January 2009, the last remaining immediate family member, my brother, Bufford, passed away and his wife followed him within a month.


Our financial future was about to change --
September 2009, my husband and I decided to make a huge change.  The steps were before us as the answer was clear -- it is time for the biggest change yet.  We knew the answer was to let go.  Although I cannot share it in this blog, there was a bigger vision suffice it to say that deciding to renovate and sell our income rental property is a huge step in that direction where we want to be in our lives by this time next year.


And so began the journey and now I find myself confronting clutter and letting go of stuff!!!!!!!!


I suggest you read this:  http://healing.about.com/od/declutter/a/clutter-away-clutter.htm

Renovations - What Was I Thinking?

December 2009

We decided to completely renovate our rental duplex so we could sell it.  Just to be clear, that's two apartments in 5 months while working full time (me) and part-time (my husband) jobs.  What was I thinkin?

I can tell you this.  In the beginning you're all excited about 'the vision' so you start drawing up plans and spending money.  By the time your almost to the end, your so exhausted you could kill one another and all you can think about is how much money you've spent and the sleep you've missed.  The credit line is almost used up and we are $60,000 deeper in dept.  Now, every time I have to go shopping and buy one more thing, I cringe and feel sick to my stomach.  What were we thinking?

After 5 months, I just want my life back to normal.  We've been driving 45 minutes from our home to the other side of the city to get to our rental property for a few hours here and there.  Every weekend has been tied up committed to getting this project finished.

I miss sleeping in on Saturdays.
I miss eating a home cooked meal.
I miss having a weekend free to just "veg" and watch movies.
I miss going to movies.
I miss my friends.
I'd say I miss my family but I wouldn't get to see them anyway.
Then I remember, the reason for the renovations.
I'm doing this to be with my family so in the long run, this will all be worth it.
But right now all I can say is 'what was I thinking'.

This is a bit of a diary of sorts, almost 150 days of working on a project that has been a huge challenge but will bring a sweet reward in the end, once we actually get it listed and sold.

Day 150 (approximate guestimate of days based on 30 days in a month x 5 months)
Cleaning to show:  wiping out cabinets and closets, washing windows, sweeping and polishing floors, cleaning toilets and bathtubs with staging of a few items for eye appeal.

Day 147 Sunday, May 9th (Mother's Day)
We both went over to work on the duplex together.  Mentally and physically exhausted.  Tried to finish cleaning and prepping for show.  Emotional breakdown during lunch at the restaurant.  Started crying and couldn't stop.  Totem Building Supplies store, out of popcorn, started crying.  Nagging and complaining.  Sunnyside greenhouse - walked from parking lot to the bulk section 700 feet, started crying and could hardly make it back to the truck.  Husband's idea 'I better get you home. We both need to rest'.

Day 146 Saturday, May 8th
Brian had to work all day.  I Spent the night sleeping restlessly on the floor of the basement suite at the duplex.  The plan was to get an early start immediately the next morning.  I did get an early start but sure didn't get much rest, tossing and turning on the pad of comforters over the carpet.  Painted several feet of the fence, trim around the door and window on the door, put up the new address numbers (actually not new, just spray painted); put up the new mailboxes, hauled large rocks that felt like boulders into the wheelbarrow and moved them to an area at the front of the house by the trees.    Locked myself out of the house and had to climb a tree, crawl over the balcony and get in through the upstairs apartment. Painted two closet doors inside.  Threw junk off the balcony and then moved it in the wheelbarrow to the junk pile at the back of the  house.   Scraped the paint off the windows from when I painted. Time to go home, the wind and cold is getting worse and I gave up painting the fence outside -- too cold, can't take the chance that it might rain as we need 4 hours drying time already. Calling it quits and going home, exhausted!  Put in 12 hours.

May 1
Painted the outside lower (concrete) portion of the duplex white.  Val came over to 'start' landscaping along the walkway for about 4 hours, worked together and talked.  Painted the door and the door panel green, the fence railing all along the corner lot.


Day 3
Shopping for backsplash and shower tiles, how exciting. Couldn't decide.  Will have to come back because they are closing.  Something that will prove to be the hardest decision over everything else.

Day 2
Picking and buying appliances.  Checking out multiple places to get the best deal.
Decided to buy stainless steel appliances to actually go into our house which we'll be selling later on.  Then we'll move the white appliances from our house into the duplex. Great plan.  Actually found the best linoleum and purchased it now to be installed later on. 

Day 1
So excited!  It was cold and snowy but I didn't mind that much. We are actually meeting with the cabinet maker to draw up plans and select style, color and hardware.   We picked out the laminate too. Can hardly wait to get started.    

March 19-21 Camp Caroline experience

I just came back from a weekend at Camp Caroline. This was my second year with these beautiful ladies in this gorgeous setting. Of course, the best part was hearing from God and watching as he ministered to so many different women in so many different ways.

As I began to recap the events that unfolded over this past weekend, God began showing me how every interaction just confirmed that I am going to continue to be involved in women's lives, praying for them and encouraging them using the gifts that He gave me. He reminded me again that He has imparted the gift of encouragement for me to use to minister to people. What I didn't know this weekend or somehow had forgotten was a vital element of this gift is listening. Listening to the Holy Spirit is imperative in ministering to their needs. Just being there for them to listen to them is in itself, an act of encouragment. He said before we can know how to minister or what we should speak into the lives of others, we have to listen simultaneously with all 3 parts -- our physical ears (the body), our spiritual ears (the spirit) and with our heart, which is (our soul) mind, will and emotions. He said when we listen with all three, we operate in love and compassion, speak truth and life from God's word and walk in wisdom and discipline.

I was quite surprised how many times this past weekend that God used me to listen and speak into women's lives. Ever step was a step of faith, going forward in faith that I might not always know what to say or do, I would trust that as I went, God would use my willingness to touch these lives. There were so many signs that God was there among us just as he promised me. On the trip I shared with the women I was riding with that God had spoken to me and I was so excited I could hardly sit still. I told them that I had gotten a strong "knowing" that God was going to be there in a strong way this weekend. We all knew that God was with us as we were going but He had gone before us and prepared this weekend in a marvelous way and He was ready and waiting to pour out his Spirit on us when we got there. We were expectant with faith!

It now seems like it happened so fast that I can hardly remember all of it but that first night I had a dream. I was agitated in my body and restless. In the early morning hours I had a dream. When I woke up I was very angry and wanted to run away and be alone. I didn't want to be there. The things that were happening in the dream were not good things. The dream was either just a dream or it was a message to someone. In the dream I was the subject of the trauma but in reality I knew the dream was not from events in my life.

I went up front to talk with the speaker and for prayer. She didn't really have any answers for me but assigned someone to pray with me if I wanted it. I told the woman on the prayer team that I was confident this dream was not about myself and could be something for someone here. This group of people at the retreat were from a different denominational background and a little different from what I was use to but there is a reason for this. Like my friend Grace said, 'sometimes you are hoping God will speak through another individual and tell you what God is saying to you and then God surprises you saying seek me for yourself to hear what I want to tell you. This experience was a complete trust walk with God myself, stepping out in faith to minister to other people believing that God would direct me as how to encourage them.

As it turned out there was a young woman there that I had started talking to the night before. When I first met her she was very nervous and agitated about being here even though she was a Christian. She said part of her didn't want to come. I knew she was uncomfortable with all these women. When we met again on Saturday morning, she continued opening up and sharing much of her lifestory with me. As I listened and ask a few questions, I sense that I should share this dream with her. When I did, she acknowledge that she was the person in the dream that these things happened to. I stayed with her a little while longer as she shared even more about her life. As we both went in for lunch she asked if she could eat with me so together we ate lunch and listened to the speaker walking around the lunch room answering questions from the crowd. I knew many of the questions were exactly what the young woman was asking. Later throughout that weekend I watched her open up and talk with other women, interacting with them and having fun. I sensed that somehow I helped her with her trust issues, that she could open up with other people who could help her. All in all I helped encourage her to reach out. I could have prayed with her I suppose but it never actually worked out that way for us. I'm confident as a trailblazer that God used me to help her on her path.

That was a good beginning to being a vessel for God. Then He reminded me that His call is irrevocable, which means it cannot be revoked, recalled, or undone (Romans 11:29 "for God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable"). I have the same calling he gave to me years ago when I was extremely active in women’s ministries. Although I relinquished leadership roles and moved on from the various types of women’s ministries over the years, the gifts and calling on my life remains the same. God assured me that He provide opportunities for me because of the calling on my life.

I am called to encourage women just like in war times where the troops are rallied together to reminded them of their purpose and encourage them with hope that they are making progress on the enemy. I believe we are all on a rescue mission! We are taking back our family, friends, acquaintances and even strangers from the grip of the enemy. “And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force” (Matthew 11:12). “And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it” (Matthew 16:18).


I believe I am called to minister to the needs of women. I covet your prayers as God reveals to me how to Teach & Train Women for War but I don’t know how this is going to happen. I’ve always believed I will somehow write a book about that but I’m sure there is more to it than that. I think this would make a good book title, “How to Protect Your Family From the Enemy” and is something I have experienced.

God also placed in my heart to commit to pray for a young woman that I met there at Camp Caroline. I will call her Dana, although that is not her real name. As God began unfolding the events that happened this past weekend and his plan, He showed me that she is a young warrior for God she just doesn’t know it yet! God is going to take that fighting spirit that she has and turn it around for His Kingdom. I’m praying that God will teach and equip her for this battle. She is going to stay loyal to God when she is in service to him in such a way that fits who she is. She doesn’t quite understand her identity yet. She is going to become a prayer warrior. She may even help young mothers who are living dysfunctional lives. I believe I am to start praying earnestly & diligently for and be committed to her.

I also believe I am to start praying earnestly & diligently for a friend's family. I believe that family is going to completely turn around to God. I am praying and believing that also for my own family, my husband in particular. Until I see the manifestation I believe we are to stand on and delcare Joshua 24:15 “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord”.

God showed me, like a recap, of the lives He touched in so many simple ways this weekend. Whenever we doubt God is moving through us, he is still gracious toward us because he sees our heart’s desire is to please him and be used of him. Also because the gifts and callings are irrevocable, God can use even the simple acts of love to move big mountains in other people’s lives. It only takes one pebble to shift ever so slightly to create an avalanche, moving that mountain.

We might not ever know how valuable and instrumental one word, one hug, one listening ear, one smile, one prayer, one act can be to God to move those mountains in people’s lives but God does. Obedience is better than sacrifice, although sometimes the obedience is a sacrifice, as it opens a portal for God to bless and change lives.

To anyone reading this blog post, I am telling you that you can be a blessing to other people. My prayer is that God will show you just how important you are to Him and to other people along your pathway.

Anything I have said here that you don't understand or don't agree with, please just pray about it and ask God to show you what I'm trying to say. I do not want to deceive or lead anyone astray so please seek out the truth for yourself. I am not perfect, I am just an instrument of God. I pray for truth and revelation with no intention to confuse or hurt anyone. Just ask God. He promised if you seek him you will find him. The Holy Spirit is our counselor and guides us into all truth.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and has made the Lord his hope and confidence. Jeremiah 17:7

Preparing for the Test

I'm reminded as I re-read through my blog of a lesson I encountered during a ladies retreat in March this past year. I wrote about it and you'll have to read that particular post to truly understand where this all came from but sometimes we need to remind ourselves of those priorities in life and the lessons we encountered on our journey. I know I needed to remind myself that although I'm not sure of my future, my times are in his hands including all my plans.

1. It is okay that I’m flawed, it was meant to be that way so that I would need to trust in Him.
2. Limit yourself in preparation, don’t over-pack your life so full that you leave no room for God, the Great Provider.
3. When we’re walking by faith its all about the unknown that’s why we need to trust in God, the unseen, unheard, unfelt through natural senses. Faith isn’t needed when the path is clearly defined ahead of you with no surprises to be encountered but if you’re really wanting to grow in faith you’ll ask for new encounters that put your faith to the test. Then you'll wait for that seed of faith to grow and one day you'll encounter an opportunity to test what you say you believe in.

Our times are in His hands....
"But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord, I say "You are my God." My times are in Your hand; deliver me from the hand of my enemies and from those who persecute me. Make Your face to shine upon Your servant; save me in Your lovingkindness." (Psalm 31:14-16)

Money Doesn't Grow On Trees But It Can Fall From The Sky

I was on my way back to work from dropping off my Christmas packages at the post office and I found a nickel in the parking lot. On my way to my car I passed by another car in the parking lot. Something shiny caught my eye on the ground. It looked like a coin. If it had been a penny I wouldn't have bothered but since it was silver I stooped down to pick it up. It was cold and slightly packed into the snow. I pried it out of the dirty snow and brought it closer to my eyes. The thought crossed my mind suddenly that we find blessings in the smallest ways when we are looking for opportunities. I'm not yet sure of the meaning here but I'm convinced there must be some lesson in this. I carried the nickel back to my car and thought about it again. The "lucky penny" has now increased by 4 cents into a "lucky nickel"...inflation affects even those little blessings we thought were too small to count. Then the thought hit me, "money doesn't grow on trees". "Yes", I thought to myself, "but it can fall out of the sky". This nickel was once safe and warm inside somebody's pocket or purse but now its in my hands to choose how I might spend it. Still I kept thinking about how I haven't counted my blessings lately. Things have really been tight financially and I've struggled with depression off and on this year but I'm reminded at this time of year as Christmas draws near, to count my blessings and name them one by none. The blessing I am most thankful for above all else, the greatest gift humanity has ever received is the gift of spiritual life given to us at the birth of God's only begotten son, Jesus Christ, which is Christmas.

The nickel was also an American nickel so perhaps somebody knew they dropped it but saw no value in picking it up in Canada. It reminded me of the blessing of my heritage as an American. Sadly I hear more negative comments about being an American or the country of the United States these days and I'm suddenly reminded of my true home and citizenship and the value of that heritage. This nickel was made before 2005. The most common profile of Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United Staton is on one side.

(Thomas Jefferson trivia - although Jefferson was born into one of the wealthiest families in North America, Thomas Jefferson was deeply in debt when he died. Jefferson's trouble began when his father-in-law died, and he and his brothers-in-law quickly divided the estate before its debts were settled. It made each of them liable for the whole amount due – which turned out to be more than they expected. Jefferson suffered another financial setback when he cosigned notes for a relative who reneged on debts in the financial Panic of 1819. Interestingly enough, Jefferson did not believe that living individuals had a moral obligation to repay the debts of previous generations, which included governmental debt.)

All in all today was a day of thought about gratitude and wise choices. Financial blessings come in many forms from a new job to an inheritance to a gift or a discovery. It also comes as opportunities if we are looking for them and now you've not heard just my "2 cents", I've increased my value of thought to 5 cents.

Chloe's Webcam with Grandma

Chloe baking cakes and cookies in her easy bake oven. Turned out it wasn't so easy but with a little help from Haylie, they got it working, while Grandma watched helplessly from the other side via webcam. I had a mini snickers bar ready to eat at the same time so we could pretend I was eating Chloe's baked goodies. Enjoyable spending time with Chloe even though it was done long distance....webcam, the next best thing to being there!

What's our purpose?

Have you ever thought about your reason for being here, your purpose? I know I have.

On November 22, 2007, something began shifting inside of me. I felt an awakening, an understanding of sorts. Suddenly it was as though knowledge and wisdom had come into me and filling me with illumination. The simple fact that by accepting God and His sacrifice, He accepted me into His Kingdom.

It all made sense, it was all clear now. I could feel the overwhelming joy of knowing what it was liked to be loved full up and spilling over. I couldn’t think about anything except the awareness of a shift in and around me and that the future was going to be alright.

I began to ask myself questions to ponder...
What if you could give total acceptance of yourself as is?
What if you actually stop judging yourself and feeling guilty?
What if you could stop the words spoken over you that repeatedly play in your mind over and over like a taped message?
What if you could do something that would make negative thoughts and feelings vanish, cares and worries lift like weights floating above your shoulders and neck.
How different would my life be if I could walk in faith and confidence that God is completely 100%, truthfully, without a doubt who he says he is and can do what he says he can do and further more, will do what he has promised he will do?
If I say I believe God and His Word (the Holy Bible), then I can trust him to finish what he started in me for he said he will NEVER leave me or forsake me. He said He will finish the good work he began in me. He said He has made a way for me. He said I am His child and He loves me. He said that none should perish but have everlasting life if only they believe in Him.

Believing in something or someone, makes you a follower, a promoter of that belief.
So if I believe then follow. No more fence straddling....just commit and go all the way with God. The results of this heart and mind change -- full comittment -- will astonish you how your life will change when you are fully committed. The secret here is to look at yourself and ask yourself "Am I FULLY committed?" If I was put to the test in some unusual, uncomfortable way, would I pass.

Only you can answer that question. Its between you and God but know this, the Bible says that our hearts can deceive us. So we have to ask God and rely on Him to reveal our hearts desires for only God truly knows what is inside of us and He loves us anyway.

As you pass through that valley of discomfort, trials and tests, pain and sorrow, whatever you are going through, remember that He already walked that road.

Now thinking about these thoughts and just trusting God for my future (our times are in his hands), there seemed to be a clarity of direction, just barely visible, as though to say, don’t think too much about the future just yet. Instead breathe in this time you are connected to. Savor it. Its called peace and love because the Heavenly Father loves you. He reaches out to you with arms of total love and acceptance. Will you surrender? Let him love you? Let the Father embrace you as He wants to be your Daddy. The Daddy who is always on your side, who always loves and listens to you. Father God hears your heart breaking, he sees every tear.

Are you a believer?

Bible verses that are the standard definition of who is a Christian:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16 (NIV)

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23 (NIV)

For the wages of sin is death. Romans 6:23 (NIV)

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9 (NIV)

To summarize, the only way to be saved and go to heaven is by the grace of Jesus and by faith in God. These are the basic verses that every Christian who has accepted Christ knows. Now for the verses that clearly state that only Christians who believe the above will go to Heaven:

-John 3:3: no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.
-John 3:15: everyone who believes in him [Jesus] may have eternal life.
-John 3:18: whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of Gods one and only Son.
-John 14:6: Jesus answered: No one comes to the Father except through me
-Acts 3:23: And it shall be, that every soul that shall not hearken to that prophet, shall be utterly destroyed from among the people. (ASV)
-Acts 4:12: Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved
-Romans 10:9: Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved
-Hebrews 9:28: he [Christ] will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him
-1 John 5:12: he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.

Patience

Life is just too short to be so upset about trivial things. I know this truth. I tell myself this almost every day and yet, when I least expect it -- WHAM! I get hit with that pesky bug that makes me freak out over the little things. I don't know how paper can push my buttons or impatience can cause me to be so nasty sometimes.


Then I end up at the hair salon to get my hair cut and styled (and a dye job). I look at two beautiful, adorable twin Asian little girls getting identical haircuts too. They are so cute. All they can think about is holding still and being good so when they are done they can run over and pet the puppy.


Times like these make me stop and just watch the innocence of life. What could be so important that I had to get all twisted out of shape over when I need to just hold still and be good so when I'm done I can run over and pet the puppy too.


Life really can be so simple in the eyes of a child. I think sometimes we adults need to learn from them. I hope I remember this "double" lesson.

Honoring Mom

Mother's Day to most of us that means we call, write, send a card and/or gift to our mothers on that special day to make sure Mom knows we love her. It is an opportunity to show her we care and appreciate her, an opportunity to honor her.


I remember songs that explained how wonderful mothers are, "M is for the millions things she gives me, O is for"....well, you get the picture.


My version that I wrote today....
M is for the many times you nagged me
O is for my obvious replies
T is for the tantrums I threw to get my way
H is for the hard times when you made me cry
E is for the eternal time I was grounded
R is for the running away I promised you I'd do
put them all together, they spell M-O-T-H-E-R,
If she were alive today I'd hug and say 'Thank You'!


My children, Haylie & Coley, two kids that really make me proud. I am truly blessed to now have finally made it from "ma-ma", to "mommy", to "mom", and now to honorable title of "mother". They surpass themselves in showing me their love each year they grow as parents too. Sorry, kids, but I was beginning to wonder (just like my mother did with me) if you would finally get there. Its that place where you know they just get it finally. All your blood, sweat, tears and prayers are finally understood. Its not easy being a parent, especially a mother.


For mothers, the learning process is continual. We have to learn to let go of the apron strings, to butt out of your lives, to let you find out for yourself through your own mistakes. Although we would love to hear from you a couple of times each week if not more, telling us what new thing you've learned or what you've been going through, we Mother's of adult children, take whatever we can get from you now.


We're still here anytime you need us. Nothing would make us any happier than to be needed once in awhile, a little advice asked for would be like whipped cream on top of a well baked dessert that took all day to make. We are proud that you're handling life but here's a little secret I'll share. Mother's really don't stop worrying about their kids no matter how old you become, we just finally learn there isn't a darn thing we can do about it anymore so we just pray for you every day and leave you in God's hands.


Thank God for daughter-in-law's who influence their husbands to honor their mother. I'm sure my mother-in-law thanks me and my husband does too. He isn't working alone to find ways of showing his mom he loves her because he's got me there to help. Women know how to speak 'woman to woman' best. My son is pretty good about calling me and keeping in touch. He is very caring and keeps me updated on the growth of my grandson, which makes me happy. My daughter-in-law helps my son look good with her support. The two of them are really good about showing their appreciation and love for me. I feel truly honored and blessed to have gained another daughter who has brought out the best in my son. I feel sorry for men who don't have the help of a wife or girlfriend to pick out a mother's day gift.


And to my daughter -- didn't I tell you that you'd make a good mother someday? You had nothing to worry about. I always believed in you. I knew you had it in you because I turned out to be ok as a Mom and you're turning out just fine as a Mom too. In fact, I think you're doing a much better job than I would have in your circumstances. I'm so proud of you. Mother's and daughters don't really understand and appreciate each other that much until they are both older and wiser. Many times they often becomes best friends. That's what happened between my mother and me and now my daughter and I have a bonded friendship that we grew into. We finally 'get' each other now. I feel like I am learning from my daughter most of the time. To really appreciate each other it seems our relationship grows most living 1700 miles apart.


Other than Dr. Spock (not Leonard Nimoy), nobody wrote parental "how to" books i\\\ you into the perfect mother. Spock's book was more about helping the mother to ensure the baby survived the new inexperienced mother. Now we've got the Supernanny! She is about making sure you don't go insane and raise delinquents.


Before I close this blog message about honoring mothers, I would like to share a poem that I wrote for my parents in 1978 when I was a young mother myself.


"My Parents"
What would we do without parents?
I wouldn't want to guess
I know that without them
I'd be in a terrible mess
And yeah, they raised me up to be
Just what I am, yeah its me.
I'm not the greatest daughter they have,
But I'm their only one, I ain't that bad.
And I love them more than they know.
That's why I'm writing this poem,
To tell them so.


It wasn't the poem of the century but my parents, especially my mother, treasured it in her heart. She took the poem, burned the edges for decoration and mounted it onto a piece of wood with clear epoxy. She burned the date onto the back of the wood, put a hook in it and hung it on their bedroom wall. After she died I took the mounted poem home to keep as a keepsake. The expression of my heart meant the world to my mother because I honored her through my creative writing and it meant something special to both of my parents. Mom is part of who I am today and because of my mother, I continue to use the creative gifts given to me.


My mother was an artist. She painted pictures with oil paints and watercolor. My mother was always impressed by my ability to write poetry, stories and extremely descriptive letters. When she was dying, I sat down beside her and wrote in my journal from my heart. She turned to me and asked what I was doing. I said, "I'm painting a memory of you with words." "Oh," she said, "I always wondered how you did that."


This is dedicated to my mother, Irma, who continues to inspire me.

Renewed Appreciation

Are you content with what you have?


How do you get a new car on an old budget? You buy a set of new seat covers, different than the color of the current seats of course. Then you buy a padded steering wheel cover to match the seat covers. You take your car to the car wash and then drive it home and clean out all the junk and trash. Then you vacuum clean the interior, Windex the windows inside and out and finish it off by wiping it down with Armor All. Don't forget to clean the floor mats and vacuum the trunk.


That is what I did today.


Obviously this isn't the first time I've washed, vacuumed and cleaned out my car but it is the first time I've purchased seat covers $29.99 and a steering wheel cover $14.99. I took it to a car wash $8.00 and the rest was accomplished via good old elbow grease. I was amazed at the final transformation and highly recommending it to anyone who has lost appreciation for their vehicle but can't afford to replace it with a new one.


This was the best and smartest way to get a "new" car for only $53.00 plus tax. That's wisdom! That's appreciation for what you do have.

Reasons to Quit Smoking

Almost 5 months and I'm still nicotine free!


My list of things I don't miss when I quit smoking Dec. 5, 2008


I don't miss.....


1. Ashtray taste in my mouth
2. Bad breath
3. Cravings (addiction controlling me) & coughing up stuff you don't want to see coming out of another human being.
4. Dehydration
5. Elevated bloodpressure
6. Fewer chances of getting cancer or other health issues
7. Going outside in winter for a smoke
8. Headaches
9. Insomnia
10. January resolutions to try again
11. Killing myself slowly with every puff
12. Lungs that hurt when I exercise
13. Money wasted on the cost to inhale a burning, toxic "cancer stick"
14. Nausea
15. Only hanging out with other friends who also are chained to a butt
16. Polluting the air with second-hand smoke
17. Quitting continually -- withdrawal -- buying 'the patch' or 'the gum'
18. Run-down feeling with no energy
19. Stinking like crap
20. Under the weather with weakened immune system
21. Very often irritable especially if I don't have a smoke.
22. Waking up and dragging myself out of bed to have that first drag in the morning with coffee.
23. X-Y-Z (beginning letters of chemicals I'm sure are in cigarettes)

Complaining

Last week two of my friends and I started meeting regularly together for a Bible study of a book called "Lord, Change My Attitude: Before Its Too Late" by James MacDonald. This week the lesson is about complaining.


I have to tell you getting through this week without complaining just has not been possible for me, so consider this another…complaint about complaining. Ha! Ha!
Seriously, it has been a very eye opening experience as I've been working through the workbook!!! I will tell you that this week God used a co-worker to open my eyes about my complaining attitude that I didn't see in me. It was quite shocking!


My co-worker basically told me that when I'm at work and behind my desk/computer, filling my role and duties as Admin Supervisor in the Accounting Department, that I'm so different and not someone pleasant to be around because of my attitude. When I'm away from my desk I am great to be around! Then it got me thinking a lot!!!! I had to really reflect and process this.


I was kind of depressed about it at first as I processed it and then I chose to thank God for showing it to me and the next day I thanked her for being honest and telling me the truth. I told her I needed to hear it even though it wasn't pleasant and that I want Jesus to be seen in me no matter which side of the desk I’m on.


Bottom line....I don't deal well with stress and it shows! Its embarrassing because I’ve really been bold in witnessing to my office co-workers and here I am finding another area that can only change through the grace and power of Christ in me. I cried out to God and said, "Jesus I want you to be seen in me whether I'm behind the desk or on the other side of it".


As I was thinking about this and praying, the title of a song I hardly know came to my mind, "Jesus, take the wheel", a song written by Brett James, Hillary Lindsey and Gordie Sampson and was first single from Carrie Underwood's debut album, Some Hearts. As I said, I hardly know this song so I've looked up the lyrics. While I thought about it I just want Jesus to take control of my computer and my desk – to be in charge and keep me calm and aware of my attitude at work.


The lyrics are kind of sad but they are about a woman driving on Christmas Eve with her baby to see family. She had a tough year and a lot on her mind. She wasn’t paying attention and spun out of control in her car. She was so scared she threw her hands up in the air she cried out to God…..


Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own


I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel


God rescued her as she humbled herself and cried out.


God sees our heart and knows our intentions to grow in Him and to be more like Him God is faithful to honor our cry for help. So I'm encouraging myself in the Lord and realizing that God isn’t finished with me yet. There is always hope. He loves us and never gives up on us. God is God and we are his daughters through Christ Jesus. While we were yet sinners Christ died for us. Remember that His mercies are new every morning.


Lamentations 3:22-23
Because of the God’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.


Ezekiel 36:22.
It is not for your sake, O house of Israel, that I am going to do these things, but for the sake of my holy name, which you have profaned among the nations where you have gone. It’s because He promised He would and His integrity is at stake. It was an eternal and unconditional promise and their worthiness is not at issue.


Ezekiel 36:26
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.


Char


My prayer, "Lord don't let me wander in the wilderness due to complaining, please set me on the right course and renew a right spirit within me. Set my feet to dancing and my heart to rejoicing. Help me to have an attitude of gratitude no matter what my situation.