Honoring Mom

Mother's Day to most of us that means we call, write, send a card and/or gift to our mothers on that special day to make sure Mom knows we love her. It is an opportunity to show her we care and appreciate her, an opportunity to honor her.


I remember songs that explained how wonderful mothers are, "M is for the millions things she gives me, O is for"....well, you get the picture.


My version that I wrote today....
M is for the many times you nagged me
O is for my obvious replies
T is for the tantrums I threw to get my way
H is for the hard times when you made me cry
E is for the eternal time I was grounded
R is for the running away I promised you I'd do
put them all together, they spell M-O-T-H-E-R,
If she were alive today I'd hug and say 'Thank You'!


My children, Haylie & Coley, two kids that really make me proud. I am truly blessed to now have finally made it from "ma-ma", to "mommy", to "mom", and now to honorable title of "mother". They surpass themselves in showing me their love each year they grow as parents too. Sorry, kids, but I was beginning to wonder (just like my mother did with me) if you would finally get there. Its that place where you know they just get it finally. All your blood, sweat, tears and prayers are finally understood. Its not easy being a parent, especially a mother.


For mothers, the learning process is continual. We have to learn to let go of the apron strings, to butt out of your lives, to let you find out for yourself through your own mistakes. Although we would love to hear from you a couple of times each week if not more, telling us what new thing you've learned or what you've been going through, we Mother's of adult children, take whatever we can get from you now.


We're still here anytime you need us. Nothing would make us any happier than to be needed once in awhile, a little advice asked for would be like whipped cream on top of a well baked dessert that took all day to make. We are proud that you're handling life but here's a little secret I'll share. Mother's really don't stop worrying about their kids no matter how old you become, we just finally learn there isn't a darn thing we can do about it anymore so we just pray for you every day and leave you in God's hands.


Thank God for daughter-in-law's who influence their husbands to honor their mother. I'm sure my mother-in-law thanks me and my husband does too. He isn't working alone to find ways of showing his mom he loves her because he's got me there to help. Women know how to speak 'woman to woman' best. My son is pretty good about calling me and keeping in touch. He is very caring and keeps me updated on the growth of my grandson, which makes me happy. My daughter-in-law helps my son look good with her support. The two of them are really good about showing their appreciation and love for me. I feel truly honored and blessed to have gained another daughter who has brought out the best in my son. I feel sorry for men who don't have the help of a wife or girlfriend to pick out a mother's day gift.


And to my daughter -- didn't I tell you that you'd make a good mother someday? You had nothing to worry about. I always believed in you. I knew you had it in you because I turned out to be ok as a Mom and you're turning out just fine as a Mom too. In fact, I think you're doing a much better job than I would have in your circumstances. I'm so proud of you. Mother's and daughters don't really understand and appreciate each other that much until they are both older and wiser. Many times they often becomes best friends. That's what happened between my mother and me and now my daughter and I have a bonded friendship that we grew into. We finally 'get' each other now. I feel like I am learning from my daughter most of the time. To really appreciate each other it seems our relationship grows most living 1700 miles apart.


Other than Dr. Spock (not Leonard Nimoy), nobody wrote parental "how to" books i\\\ you into the perfect mother. Spock's book was more about helping the mother to ensure the baby survived the new inexperienced mother. Now we've got the Supernanny! She is about making sure you don't go insane and raise delinquents.


Before I close this blog message about honoring mothers, I would like to share a poem that I wrote for my parents in 1978 when I was a young mother myself.


"My Parents"
What would we do without parents?
I wouldn't want to guess
I know that without them
I'd be in a terrible mess
And yeah, they raised me up to be
Just what I am, yeah its me.
I'm not the greatest daughter they have,
But I'm their only one, I ain't that bad.
And I love them more than they know.
That's why I'm writing this poem,
To tell them so.


It wasn't the poem of the century but my parents, especially my mother, treasured it in her heart. She took the poem, burned the edges for decoration and mounted it onto a piece of wood with clear epoxy. She burned the date onto the back of the wood, put a hook in it and hung it on their bedroom wall. After she died I took the mounted poem home to keep as a keepsake. The expression of my heart meant the world to my mother because I honored her through my creative writing and it meant something special to both of my parents. Mom is part of who I am today and because of my mother, I continue to use the creative gifts given to me.


My mother was an artist. She painted pictures with oil paints and watercolor. My mother was always impressed by my ability to write poetry, stories and extremely descriptive letters. When she was dying, I sat down beside her and wrote in my journal from my heart. She turned to me and asked what I was doing. I said, "I'm painting a memory of you with words." "Oh," she said, "I always wondered how you did that."


This is dedicated to my mother, Irma, who continues to inspire me.

Memories of Momma

October 21st, 1999 (one month later)
I just miss her so much and I feel like nobody understands. I feel like everyone including my husband expects me to just move forward with my life. I have feelings that I never get to express even when it is just through tears or mind numbing and motionless wandering through the house. This isn't about my mother -- I'm not sad for her, I'm sad for me. I know she wouldn't want this for me but she is gone now and I want to feel and express my own personal sadness and my own personal loss. I'm afraid of getting really depressed but I'm afraid of what will happen to me if I don't let myself feel the grief. Why should I have to pretend I'm happy or "okay" just so other people aren't uncomfortable? I don't feel "okay". I miss her. I feel like there is a big hole inside of me -- an empty spot. Something is missing in my world -- in me, my mom is gone from my life. I'm not mourning her death because it was beautiful and truly I know exactly where she is --she is not missing. No, I grieve and mourn her loss from my life. I am the one left behind to feel the void of her presence.


I remember God telling me the night she died that whenever I want to talk to her all I have to do is write a letter and talk to her. So I will try that.


Hi, Mom. I'm here in my house typing on the computer. I miss you so much. I want to hear your voice talking to me and I want to feel your arms around me. I don't want to feel sad but I miss you so much every day. I think of you every time I turn around. The seasons have changed, it is fall here now. That was your favorite time of the year. I bought a CD the other day that you would have liked -- called "Windsong". It’s all full of nature sounds and beautiful, soft soothing music that reminds me of you. I feel close to you when I listen to it. I feel like my momma is holding me and stroking my hair and hugging me. I've been wearing your rings and your clothes. I talked to Dad this week. He misses you so much. He said, "I miss that woman every day." I feel so sorry for him but I honestly think he is doing better than I am. I know I'll get there! It will just take time! I have to give myself time to heal. I wish I could pick up the phone and call you. I wish I had taped our phone calls. I wish I had video taped your visit here for our wedding. I'm so glad you got to come to my wedding, Momma. It’s like God allowed the timing to be right so that you could have this time here with us in Canada. I wish we would have had more time together here. I wish we would have planned it sooner or somehow earlier so that you would have felt better before the cancer began taking over your body so quickly. I'm so glad we squeezed in those moments in our life together. I'm so glad you held me in your arms in the swimming pool at Canyon Hot Springs. I'm so glad you got to be part of our wedding and get to know Brian a little. I'm so glad you made your last quilt for me.


I'm so glad you got to see the mountains and the sights of Calgary. I'm so glad I got to come home and take care of you and spend time with you alone without Dad or anyone else. I remember the nights we would sit together working on projects and laughing about things -- oh God, how I wish we could have frozen time and stretched those moments in time. I would have liked to wave a wand and frozen everyone so that just you and I could fly away together like we did when we went camping one summer. I think that was my most memorable time alone with you that I will cherish. I've got to dig out my video tapes and watch them again.


I'm going to say goodbye for a little while now. Until the next time......


Love,
Charlotte